Hornless
by DarkDude
Summary: Because Kimarhi so blue, so funny, he funny Kimahri! Kimahri's view on the Final Fantasy cast! Kimahri does happy moogle dance! Kimahri totally pokes giant whale! New chapter up! Kimahri and FFX-2!
1. Default Chapter

Kimahri not always hornless. Big brother break horn. Kimahri mad. Kimahri was beaten by big brown stick when brother beat Kimahri. Kimahri very mad. Kimahri no say brother win. Brother very mad. Snap, horn goes off and he call Kimahri hornless. Kimahri then go and protect Yuna while wearing Ronso thong because big strong man say go protect Yuna or you will be dead because people hate Ronso...then Kimahri forget.  
  
Yuna one day fall out of Shoopuf. Kimahri laugh. Big Ha Ha came from Kimahri. Then Yuna come and says Fun! She jump in, Kimahri worried. Kimahri decides that Yuna having fun, until she gets eaten by big beasty fish. Kimahri uses pointy stick to poke fish. Kimahri have fun. Kimahri poke so many fish, Yuna have to send them, and not finish until a day later. Kimahri bored.  
  
Kimahri was alone with Yuna. Kimahri turn feminine. Kimahri get carried away with hair. Kimahri decides to braid Yuna's hair. Yuna keep one locket braided with blue ribbon thing around it. Says its for Kimahri. If something for Kimahri, Kimahri better eat it. Or poke it. Kimahri then decides to braid own hair. Kimahri find out, if you use Shoopuf Shampoo, it makes it pretty. That is why Kimahri have such fluffy hair.  
  
One day, Yuna watch big blitz ball game. One man go Hello ya, ya eh? Eh ya eh ya you know? Kimahri look at his hair. Kimahri thinks, that man uses Shoopuf Shampoo like girl! Ha ha came from Kimahri. Man goes Eh? Whats so funny ya? Is it my hair, you know? Kimahri stay silent, too afraid strange orange man find out about Kimahri's secret Shoopuf Shampoo. Man goes We tried our best, ya? Haven't one a game in ten years, eh? Kimahri make big Ha Ha sound. Orange man get mad.  
  
Orange man named Whack ka. Kimahri no like Whack ka. Whack ka has young brother name Shampoo. Then Lulu come, she have big boobie and not afraid of it. She wears coat that goes below her big boobies and Kimahri wonder why she bend down after she kill a fiend. Then Shampoo dies because Sin eats him. Uh oh, Kimahri worried. Whack ka is going to find another Shampoo. Then one day Yuna decides she want to die. She goes, I want to be summoner. Kimahri go, oh no. Yuna please. Do not go. Kimahri will be sad. Yuna goes Summoner make Kimahri happy. If Yuna what Kimahri happy, she gives him Ronso treat.  
  
One day orange man bring Meg Ryan into temple. Kimahri mad. Kimahri want to smack orange man's head of his head...neck...thing. Kimahri saw You Got Mail. Kimahri want to kill Meg Ryan for that. Kimahri catch Yuna when she fall because fayth drugged her. Kimahri have to smack her till she wakes up. Lulu goes no good Kimahri, you need a bat. Yuna wakes up before then.  
  
Kimahri decides to kill Meg Ryan for fun. Kimahri hides in path. Kimahri hides in path for seventeen hours. What take Yuna so long? Kimahri ask himself. Kimahri need food, water, and pee. Finally, Meg Ryan come. Kimahri so anxious he run on wall and fall down and then digs nails and punches ground and goes ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR. Stupid Meg Ryan takes out sword and she wants to fight me, so Kimahri poker her down and she cry and then Yuna is like no Kimahri, I want to be a lesbian too, so Kimahri says sorry and follows Yuna. 


	2. Chapter 2: Kimahri Speaks!

DarkDude note: Since DarkDude discontinue big silly fic, conversation, Hornless is up for writing! Big yay comes from avid fans of DarkDude!  
  
*Ahem* Kimahri sleep, big sorry come from Kimahri belly. Anyways, where was Kimahri? Oh yes, Kimahri talk about journey to Zanarkand...*snore*...KIMAHRI AWAKE! KIMAHRI SWEAR! ...Kimahri find trip very boring, so Kimahri tell things that happen on trip...but didn't happen on game! Like the night Kimahri hear lots of sound from Tidus tent, and Yuna sneak out after---...Kimahri remember that Tidus pay Kimahri to be quiet...soo...Kimahri says *shhh!*  
  
Kimahri has pure gold in stories...Where does Kimahri begin...How about Lucca game...Kimahri talk about Lucca game. Well, there Kimahri is, in big Lucca Stadium, and Meg Ryan runs on boat and looks at balloons like stupid bitch. Well, then, Whack-ka decides to enter Meg in blitzball...please, Kimahri has big sigh. Kimahri never going to be true Pokemon master when Meg Ryan and Whack-ka must play blitzball...So, Kimahri walk off and try to capture very illusive Mew...Well...Kimahri happen to find brothers...and then...KimahrifightinbarwithbrothersbutbrothersalmostbeatKimahriuntilMegRyan showsupandactuallysayssomethingsmartbutthenbarkeepershoeKimahrioutofbar...  
  
So Kimahri end up NOT fighting brothers, to Kimahri dismay. Kimahri decides to leave Meg and find something that fits in Kimahri tummy...but, as Kimahri-Mama says, before it fits in belly, it must fit in mouth. Man, Kimahri must remember that.  
  
Kimahri then find job from the Kimahri-Yakuza. Yakuza want Kimahri to kill Salvatore Ronso...Man, Kimahri confused. So, Kimahri get out spear, and wait behind Shoopuf, and then out comes Salvatore Ronso, with bodyguard Ronsos everywhere. Kimahri sneak in behind Ronsos, give Salvatore big poke, and run away. Kimahri was paid in fish. Boy, Kimahri mad...until Kimahri ate fish! Fish is de-lish! Hahahaha, big Ha come from Kimahri many times.  
  
Kimahri have much fun that day. Now that Kimahri think about it, Kimahri realize that funnest day in Kimahri life...No, Kimahri funnest day was when Kimahri stole the turtle from Shampoo. Ha ha! Kimahri go Ha and Shampoo cry, so then Luzzu...(Sound lot like Lulu) go and say Sin make us cry but once you beat Sin you will not cry, then Shampoo goes Sin not makes me cry, Kimah--, and then Luzzu goes Shut up and sign up! And Kimahri confused...Before Kimahri know it, Shampoo is eaten, Whack-ka adopts a panda, and Lulu gets implants. Boy, confusing times in Kimahri life. Like when GLAAD chase after Kimahri for making gay joke...Joke so funny, make Kimahri cry! Wait! KIMAHRI NO CRY!  
  
Kimahri then realize that he missing one vital Pokemon. So, Kimahri finds Our-Ron and ask Our-Ron where is Pikachu, then Our-Ron says not now, wait for Sin to attack, THEN you can acknowledge my existence, because you're ruining my intro. So Kimahri sigh, and run off to the Mi'Hen highway or something, and chase after a Pikachu looking thing until Yuna begin to whistle...When Kimahri rush to Yuna to see what matter, Kimahri see Yuna go HA HA HA HA and Kimahri scared, so Kimahri vow to kill Meg in her sleep to end Kimahri suffering!  
  
Man, Kimahri couldn't wait for that night...  
  
A/N: I hope it was good. More to come, and thanks for all the positive Reviews! Hm, I wonder what he meant by "Actually funny..." 


	3. Kimahri Busts a Move!

DarkDude mad at flamers.  DarkDude says, if you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything...in other words, SHUT YO' MOUTH IMPERSONATERRRRRRRRR

Where is Kimahri?  Ah yes, Kimahri tell about night when Kimahri kill...er, _almost_ kill Meg Ryan...Kimahri despise her to utmost Kimahri degree.  Rrrh...Rage turn Kimahri blue!  Anyways, there Kimahri is, walking to tent, and Meg Ryan is sleeping there, so Kimahri get big point stick and peeks into tent when Kimahri finds...

NOTHING

Meg Ryan not there!  Kimahri strangely confused.  So Kimahri walk around Macalania because Kimahri desperately want to kill Meg...and stumble upon Yuna at water.  Kimahri stand and not talk, like usual, because Kimahri thinks Yuna will take shower...ER...Bad Kimahri, bad! 

Then, finally, Meg Ryan shows her blonde little head to Kimahri.  Kimahri ready his point stick, about to poke living daylights out of Meg when...Yuna calls her over.   Rrrh, Kimahri mad like, well, like...KIMAHRI MAD...Rhh... RHHHHHHHHHHH KIMAHRI BECOME KIMAHRI HULK!!!!!!!!!

KIMAHRI CRUSH, KIMAHRI DESTROY!!!

*Ahem* Kimahri okay, Kimahri swears.  Well, Kimahri just stand there, watching Yuna cry and Meg Ryan make her cry more...Kimahri knows what its like.  When Kimahri first saw Meg Ryan's movies too, Kimahri shed a tear...No, KIMAHRI NO CRY...Only BABY Kimahri cry.  Yes, Baby Kimahri cry, not BIG Kimahri...but, Kate and Leopold so sad...NO, Kimahri STRONG, Kimahri BRAVE.  ...Anyways, Kimahri just stand there.  Kimahri stand there for seven hours, watching Meg Ryan and Yuna, well, Kimahri can't say.

Then, finally, morning comes for Kimahri.  But, Kimahri too tired to kill Meg then, he just, well he just tired.  Damn straight....

Uh ohs, Kimahri realize he talking about two stories.  Oh well, that's what happens when Kimahri has too much of Auron's "happy drink"...Boy, Kimahri so happy, Kimahri is one bad mother---...KIMAHRI SHUT YOUR MOUTH...KIMAHRIIIIIII!

Kimahri okay!!  Kimahri SWEARS.  No no, Kimahri no swear, Kimahri is good little Ronso...but, if you are hot girl Ronso, Kimahri a bad, bad boy.  Kimahri is one bad mother---...Oh wait, Kimahri been through _that_ before.  Yes yes, Kimahri is Kimahri-Shaft.  

Well, Kimahri better stick to subject before DarkDude is removed from Fanfic.net because well, there goes Kimahri!  Until DarkDude make NEW DarkDude.  Then, there is Kimahri again!  Big ha comes from Kimahri!

Well, Kimahri really needs to tell stories...Oh, Kimahri has SPECIAL story...

Well, Kimahri hates Meg Ryan, right?  Boy, Kimahri hate her.  Why does Kimahri hate Meg?   Well, because she is very whiny and annoying, and make Kimahri mad...And turns Kimahri into HULK RARH....Oh yeah, Kimahri went through _that_ before. 

Well Kimahri met one person called Freya one day.  Boy, she says she dragoon too, and I go Ha ha ha you may be furry, but you are not blue!  Some dragoon you are!  And Freya gets mad and she get out HER pointy stick and Kimahri must do battle against furry dragoon number 2.  So, Whack-ka is on the sides and guess what, he cheers for OTHER dragoon so when battle begins, Freya miss Kimahri and Kimahri go straight for...WHACK-KA...Man, Whack-ka run real fast, but not before Kimahri able to poke him several times.  Then Freya jumps on Kimahri...andKimahrigetsknockedoutbutKimahrinolikespeakingaboutit...

So then, Kimahri meets Spider-man, is real Spider-man *Shhh* his identity is PETER PARKER OMG OMG OMG Kimahri almost KNOW Peter...But, Kimahri doesn't.

Anyways, Kimahri get on with story...

Actually, Kimahri no care about story.  Oh, Kimahri remember one day at camp in Macalania...

Well, Kimahri and Our-Ron and Whack-ka and Lulu and Yuna and Reek-you and ...EVIL MEG RYAN is sitting around fire, right?  Well, Kimahri belly go ROAR and then Reek-you get idea that Kimahri hungry.  Bright girl, that Al...Bed...Anyways, Whack-ka make specialty:  Shoopuf Steak in tomato sauce.  Well, Kimahri have to pass up steak, even when it smell so good.  Our-ron ask why, and Kimahri has embarrassing secret to tell.  Well, Kimahri gets gas when he eats tomatoes...and, well, unless Kimahri want a dead, and stinky summoner in the morning, he suggest that this Ronso stay clean...well, at least until summoner dies.

So there Kimahri is, standing and watching people DEVOUR steak with no manner.  At least Kimahri chews with mouth open.  Them ogres, they eat with mouths CLOSED.  Kimahri-mom made very special point about manners.  Man, at least in movie Meg Ryan doesn't even eat.  Those manners disgust this Ronso.  Well, Reek-you feel sorry for Kimahri and say Don't just stand there, bust a move!  And then Whack-ka starts singing rest of song...VOICES IN HEAD SCREAMING AND KIMAHRI GOING TO DIE!

Kimahri then run with pounding headache while Meg Ryan starts singing YMCA which make Kimahri cry...yes, Kimahri cry. BUT ONLY KIMAHRI-BABY.  Yeah, Kimahri was baby during then...Well, then Reek-you starts break dancing.  And Kimahri get so excited, Kimahri does moon walk!  Man, it was hard, but moogles backing me up all the time by doing the robot.  Meg Ryan and Whack-ka team up for the river dance, Yuna does the swing with Lulu, and Our-ron just...stands there!  Uh oh, Our-ron is going to bust a move, and when he does, Kimahri wake up with large hangover and throbbing head.  Oh well, that night was a fun party, well, until Kimahri ate steak...

*Snore*

DarkDude:  Hm, that was a POS chapter.  Kimahri has some more things later, right now let the big fluffy blue dude take a break.  Please?

BTW, here is a hint for you:  Conversation ..._might_...have a new chapter.  I don't know, the last one seemed a little too short for a proper farewell.


	4. HornlessX2!

__

hornless x-2

by: kimahri

Hello, it's big funny Kimahri here! DarkDude has no played FFX in long long time, so Kimahri forget what happens in story next! Oh well, story is suck anyways. So now Kimahri have _new_ fic for avid readers in computer world! Kimahri am so happy!

Ok, Kimahri will tell a special Kimahri sequel to Final Fantasy X, which was Kimahri's favorite game because Kimahri get to kick Yenke and Biran's ass! Kimahri thinks that's totally sweet! Kimahri am so happy, and Kimahri am even happier to have a sequel!

First, after Kimahri and master…erh, Yuna, and Meg Ryan, and dead guy, and annoying guy, and boobies, and ditz went to fight the big whale, turns out…Big whale is MEG RYAN'S FATHER! How scary is that?! It's like there am _two_ Meg Ryans, only Meg Ryan's dad no look like Meg Ryan! 

Kimahri am peeing self when seeing Meg Ryan's dad; then he turn into big whale and grabs big sword and proceeded to dice Meg Ryan into tiny little pieces. Kimahri am so mad; save some for Kimahri! Kimahri then grab his poke stick and totally stabbed Meg Ryan's Dad…in the EYE! Meg Ryan's dad was totally stabbed, and Kimahri stood over dead body with Kimahri's proud poke stick. 

Then, for some reason, tiny ball came out of Meg Ryan's dad and began to go into master! Kimahri am very scared; looks like Kimahri am going to dig out ball from master with poke stick. Kimahri then poked master in the stomach, but ball wouldn't come out; master was totally screaming, Kimahri knew the ball am hurting master, but Kimahri was digging it out of master's stomach as fast as possible! Soon, Meg Ryan started to cry and tackled Kimahri, and Kimahri was stopped from saving master…erh, Yuna! 

Then, strange thing happen; master glowed weird color and big…UGLY BIRD came out! It was UGLY! The big ugly bird started to attack everything, including Kimahri! Then, after Kimahri totally stabbed ugly bird, ugly bird then went away, and UGLY COW came out! Kimahri am getting tired of this!

Unfortunately, this am going on for awhile until finally Kimahri stabs the fat lady, and everything am dead. Then, everyone gets quiet and Yuna am sending dead guy; dead guy is totally awesome compared to Kimahri. Kimahri was totally sad, and even cried because dead guy was dead! 

Kimahri shed many tears over dead guy, and Meg Ryan patted Kimahri on back, but when Kimahri turned around to shish-kebob Meg Ryan, poke stick go right THROUGH Meg Ryan! Kimahri then had freaking stroke, poke stick no longer _poked_, poke stick now went THROUGH! Kimahri's life flashing before Kimahri's eyes! Then everything turned black to Kimahri, and when Kimahri woke up, Meg Ryan…GONE! Kimahri so happy! Kimahri went back to Gagazet to celebrate by KILLING AS MANY RONSO POSSIBLE! Hahaha! Kimahri had huge party!

Next Chapter: Finally! Hornless…X-2!


End file.
